An overdue post, but I have no one but myself to blame. Reading new novels has taken a hit as I take to other priorities in life. Sigh! Now this is what a typical corporate job feels like, this is what they talked about when they said that your patience reduces, you are tired, grumpy and feel like you are drawn into a never ending vortex.
So much for the bitching! Now the good part – tonnes to learn, have great mentor(s) (so far) and the freedom to apply things in a creative manner. I have not seen the politics part much, just a shade of it till now and that means I am still not aware of my environment fully. With the environment that we have, its hard to imagine that things are as straight as they seem. Inevitably, one does find that out. Not that I enjoy it, or do I? Probably gives me a kick to know how the power struggle goes on behind the scenes. As long as I am not dragged into it, I am fine with it. What I understand is that one should understand these dynamics well enough to avoid being dragged into a slug fest with colleagues.
Nevertheless, there is confusion on some facets and I wish to deliberate on the same:
- Learning conversation tricks while maintaining my core. (Read be diplomatic without being diplomatic with yourself)
- Aligning your choices smoothly with others and not feeling bad about it. i.e. choosing where my priorities lie.
- Be easy on myself and not create unnecessary pressure.
Let’s start with the first one – I think the biggest issue that I face with that is 1) I am not able to solve everything like James Bond 2) I am in two minds – to change or not to change or rather how to change without changing. It’s confusing.
Firstly the prior issue – I have no idea how these things should be handled e.g. how to avoid someone asking to manage my money. I don’t want to talk about my money with you but I am forced to coz you are a senior, how to politely say no? I think I am little absent minded at times and do not mind my tongue that much. Need to think and live in the present before I say or choose my words. Also accepting that these things are always murky is good. I set such high expectations and become externally driven, that I suffocate my confidence in the long run.
To change or not – I guess this is inevitable but I do not have a formula for this. When you start thinking before speaking, you loose your spontaneity, which I don’t want. So the point is that the earlier things should be spontaneous as well as thought out – combined in one! That’s tough. Probably my brain is not hot wired enough to handle that….I have no idea how to teach me that thing. Probably I can identify broad categories wherein I need to be careful, thoughtful and places where I need not be. Thinking before important meetings would be useful too, not just my type of thinking but a bit more strenuous thinking, which does not come naturally to me i.e. more science than art. Need to force myself to think that way really! I really need to put thought into this.
What is it that I like? I want to be challenged, diversity does bring me that challenge. Yes, sector knowledge would not grow, but this is nice. I want to keep it broad.